definition/repetition/reassurance

i can't let this anger become all that i am
and i can't realize one more time that for four years i was everything that i hate
i was every dumb bitch
i was a doormat
i was a pushover
and i was blind to everything
everthing i was and wasn't doing
and everything i was allowing to happen
i rolled over
i was an emotional avalanche
a romantic tsunami
and i never fucking knew it
i instantly became the deer in the headlights and almost immediately then the road kill you all see and then keep on driving with pity in your heart and disgust in the pit of your stomach
but i'm still breathing
and there's still blood pulsing through me
though reluctantly
and i can still scream
i can still shatter
but i will not be broken
never again
i will take no prisoners
never again
i will not surrender
never again

i am masochism at its finest and most glowing and glaring
and i dare you to find my epicenter
my incinerator
and i dare you to reach out
to fall
and let go
i dare you to free fall with me
i dare you to breathe with me
i dare you to tip toe to the edge of our very own oblivion
i dare you to be everything you want to
i dare you to embrace this existance
i dare you to see me.

I am this swan dive. I am this nausea. I am the catalyst, means, aggressor and road blocks to my own revolution. I will not beg. "Please" is not in my vocabulary." I am this dark horse, this black sheep, this beast. I am Famine, War, Pestilence, and Death. I am Chaos. And I am calm. I am the eye of the storm. I am the clenched fist, the punch and the subsequent bruise. I am the fracture and the cast and the pain killers. I am the deep breath and the insufficient oxygen. I am confusion and clarity. I am simulatniously joyous and vengeful. My forgiveness and ability to let go are my baggage. This violence and upheaval is my peace. I am balance and contradiction. I am love and hate and affection and scorn. I am my enemy and ally. I am my right hand man and my arch nemisis. I am belittling and moral boosting. I am action and apathy. I am lost and I am found. I am silence and cacophony. I am certainty and second guessing. I am bigotry and acceptance, meek and aggressive. I am class and trash, collected and undone. I am a scream and a whisper. I am a comfortable blister. I am damnation and salvation.
i am rage. i am rage.
i.
am.
rage.