like a religion

i'm not waiting for a sign from God
i'm not expecting for the sky to open up
and to rain answers down on me
i have no expectations of simplicity and ease
i am not counting on miraculous healing

cause my chest is still cracked open
and my heart is hiding from my sleeve
and the hole in my life
is not where you once were
but where i never learned to be

disgust, regret, hatred, and shame
that's what's coursing through my veins

when i can forget everything
is the only time i can breathe
oblivion is the gleam in my eye
and amnesia is what i wish for
not on shooting stars, i count on shooting blanks

round of applause, and a pause,
a moment of absolute, perfect silence
for feeling completely hollow inside
let's make that moment,
that still, that hush,
that point of realization, confession
and absolution
last forever.