she asked me didn't i think i was a little old for, a little too mature for, a bit beyond this or that.
and i hated the way her mouth looked when she pronounced the letter "o". it was ugly and puckered and entirely unattractive. she was not an ugly woman. not what i'd call beautiful, but certainly not ugly.
but all it wanted to do was make her swallow her teeth. every word out of her mouth was another tooth i wanted to hit the back of her throat.
palaniuk has taught me that you can swallow a pint of your own blood before you puke. this is not something i have tested personally though i may in fact review that portion of my life in future and find out for myself.
i hate everyone who walks by me. crosses my path. interupts my thoughts. they're too friendly here. i'm used to milwaukee where we'll talk to just about anyone, but fuck if we'll trust you farther than we can kick you. everyone talks here. i talked for two blocks with an old man about the tourist opportunities in milwaukee, and honestly, the lack thereof.
i am in awe of the people i know and love.
i miss some people so deeply. i never thought i would or could like i am but here i am and there i'm not.
i've not got what i want.
my back and joints are achy and i've no reason to get out of my futon mattress (ain't got a bed) in the morning. but i do and i manage to be mildly productive and i tell myself that the day has been a success.
i told myself that i was going to stop smoking. then i told myself i was going to start rolling my own cigarettes. and then i bought the cheapest pack of cigarettes i could find. they cost me three dollars and fifty cents. they look awful, but camel's cost five dollars and i'm too much of a twitch to effectively roll my own and quitting at this point in my life and stresses is not an option.
addiction is not an option but i've got mine well timed and on a time line.
and the orange non-original contents of my water bottle are oddly orange and taste awful. but they don't need to taste good. they need to do their job and they are. doing their jobs that is.

my bed sheets are jersey. they feel like the biggest oldest t-shirt you've ever slept in. but covering your whole body.
they were my finest $20 investment.